The five ways I’ve ruined BlogHer ’12 before I’ve even arrived

If you don’t blog regularly (or at all) you might not know about the big BlogHer conference next week.  It’s a place where bloggers – famous and unknown – get together to meet in person to share ideas, cultivate business relationships, and solidify online friendships.  And I’ve already ruined it.  How, you ask?

1.  My name.  Parents decision becomes my problem.  My name is Carinn.  It’s not Karen.  It’s not pronounced like Karen.  It’s closer to Corinne, but that’s not quite it either.  Curren?  Ca-Rinn.  Since I don’t even really know how to pronounce it, I will end up saying it not once but twice on our first meeting and several more times over the course of the weekend.  So don’t feel bad about asking again.

2.  My blog name.  Totally my fault.  Welcome To The Motherhood.  It captures the theme of my blog for sure.  As in, Welcome to the Motherhood, bitches.  Prepare to be cold-cocked.  Axl Rose is singing in the background.  It’s perfect for high drama, not so great for introducing yourself at conferences. There also happen to be roughly 20,000 versions of the same ‘hood concept (minus ten points for originality).

3.  My Twitter handle.  I have no problem with the one I chose.  It’s both cute and practical – @MamaHasSnacks – like your favorite pair of ballet flats.  But it doesn’t directly connect to Welcome To The Motherhood – which was too damn long for Twitter (that should have been my first hint?).

4.  I’m a Newbie.  Not just to the conference but to the entire blogging world.  I envision this conversation happening about 6,843 times:

Me:  Hi, I’m Carinn.

Fellow blogger: <blank stare>

Me: Online I’m Welcome To The Motherhood?

Fellow blogger: <blank stare>

Me: I tweet sometimes @MamaHasSnacks

Fellow blogger: <blank stare, increasing discomfort>

Me: how ’bout that swag?

Fellow blogger: ah, yes!  Swag!  LOVE.IT.

5.  I’m clueless – especially about swag.  Every post keeps telling me I need to have a separate suitcase just for all my swag.  What are we talking about here people?  Some T-shirts?  Samples of dog food?  A new toothbrush?  Q-tips?  My guess is that yogurt and sausage links don’t travel well, so what do I need an extra bag for?  You see, I don’t know shit about swag.  What I do know is that my family of four lives in less than 1,000 sq. ft and if I come home with a suitcase full of foam fingers and clap sticks my husband is going to kick me out.

I’m thinking I should just stay home and hug my pretty new business cards for comfort.  There’s no hope for someone who has already sabotaged her experience before she’s even arrived, right?

Anyone else having intense anxiety over BlogHer’12?  If not, please share your tips and advice for playing it cool.  I need all the help I can get.

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About Carinn Jade

Mother, lawyer, yogi, writer, non-sleeper. Published @NYTMotherlode. Contributor @Mommyish @Moonfrye @HuffPostLive. I like beer (not wine) & tea (not coffee) & being a contrarian.
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19 Responses to The five ways I’ve ruined BlogHer ’12 before I’ve even arrived

  1. Bummed I’m not going and can’t meet Ca-Rinn!! Next year.

  2. Mommy OM says:

    I am laughing hysterically right now. Not at you I swear. I’m bummed that I’m not going, but at the same time I am so new at this that I didn’t even know a conference existed. Fail! People would be looking at me and thinking, “Uh huh yeah, who are you again? Mommy who? Oh Mommy OM. And what does that mean exactly?” I probably just gave myself too much credit with that dialogue. People would probably, maybe say “hi” in passing. There that’s better. Please please report back on everything. Maybe we can meet up next year!

    • Now you are cracking me up! Can I tell you a secret? No way I would be there if I had to make travel arrangements, childcare arrangements, or book a hotel. It’s less than 2 miles from my apartment. Hopefully next year when it is somewhere else I will feel like I’ve earned the trip and we can meet up then!

  3. Oh my god, I know! OK, so my name is probably the most popular name of our generation (along with Jessica) (and hey, that’s it’s own parental issue – thanks for the generic name, guys!), but other than that, I’m right there with you! Particularly on the newbie part. No one is going to have any idea who the hell I am. But that’s ok. We’ll make new friends, right? Right??!

  4. - says:

    what is swag?

  5. megan0412 says:

    This is just too funny! I’m loving your blog! Where is BlogHer by the way?
    http://www.zinespiration.wordpress.com

  6. Storypiece says:

    Hmmm… the only thing worse than being the newbie, is hanging out with a blogger and having that weird inner dialogue that goes “I feel like I know you because I’ve read your blog, but we’ve never met and you have no idea who I am so if I start chatting you up like we’re friends, is that going to be odd? I feel like that’s going to be odd.” Good times! Great blog… can’t wait to read your take on the conference.

  7. Miss Bellini says:

    If blogher food was any indication, you’ll need the extra bag. I had no idea that there would be goodies and had to give most of the stuff away since I couldn’t take it all home with me. I’ll be at blogher next week, can’t wait!

  8. Jennifer says:

    Good luck and please update us on this “swag” you speak of. 🙂

  9. I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award:) Come check it out!

  10. Taryn says:

    On the plus side, now I know where to find you on Twitter 🙂
    Good luck, and know that at least the 10 of us that have commented here know who you (and your lovely blog) are!

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