Never one to wallow in my self-made problems, I knew I needed to turn things around. I’ve been thinking long and hard about the five ways I ruined BlogHer before I even got there, and I’ve come up with some great ways to redeem myself. Here are my top five strategies building from “as-good-as-George-Bush’s-foreign-policies” to “oh-yeah-that’s-the-one”.
1. Introduce myself as Kelcey of the Mama Bird Diaries. Yes, I have four gorgeous children, an awesome husband named Rick and a blog that makes you pee your pants with laughter. Dead pan.
2. Carry a banner that says “I refuse to go to SparkleCorn.” Because if one more person tells me I CAN.NOT.MISS.THIS I’m going to throw my copy of 50 Shades of Grey at them. Wait, I don’t own that book. Ok, so this tactic is a little risky (not to mention a lot dumb). I mean, I am beyond excited to go to SparkleCorn and dance the night away. I’m just really trying to win back those negative points for originality. You know, the ones I lost when I chose “blah, blah, blah Motherhood” as my blog name.
3. Show up to the “Come As You Are” bash in all my full naked glory yelling “THIS is how I am baby!”
4. New sash. One word: SWAGMASTER. People will flock me. I said FLOCK. (stop thinking about that vibrator giveaway).
5. Get drunk. Every post warns the newbies NOT to get drunk, but I think it’s a ruse. Instead I am going to get the drunkest of all the bloggers, part the dance floor and run fearlessly into my nobody-puts-baby-in-the-corner Dirty Dancing lift moment…only to belly flop on the parquet and have my picture taken thousands of times. I’ll be infamous. And probably get Prosecco to sponsor me. Win-effing-win.