The five (misguided) ways I intend to redeem myself at BlogHer

Never one to wallow in my self-made problems, I knew I needed to turn things around.  I’ve been thinking long and hard about the five ways I ruined BlogHer before I even got there, and I’ve come up with some great ways to redeem myself.  Here are my top five strategies building from “as-good-as-George-Bush’s-foreign-policies” to “oh-yeah-that’s-the-one”.

1.  Introduce myself as Kelcey of the Mama Bird Diaries.  Yes, I have four gorgeous children, an awesome husband named Rick and a blog that makes you pee your pants with laughter.  Dead pan.

2. Carry a banner that says “I refuse to go to SparkleCorn.”  Because if one more person tells me I CAN.NOT.MISS.THIS I’m going to throw my copy of 50 Shades of Grey at them.  Wait, I don’t own that book.  Ok, so this tactic is a little risky (not to mention a lot dumb).  I mean, I am beyond excited to go to SparkleCorn and dance the night away.  I’m just really trying to win back those negative points for originality.  You know, the ones I lost when I chose “blah, blah, blah Motherhood” as my blog name.

3.  Show up to the “Come As You Are” bash in all my full naked glory yelling “THIS is how I am baby!”

4. New sash.  One word:  SWAGMASTER.  People will flock me.  I said FLOCK.  (stop thinking about that vibrator giveaway).

5.  Get drunk.  Every post warns the newbies NOT to get drunk, but I think it’s a ruse.  Instead I am going to get the drunkest of all the bloggers, part the dance floor and run fearlessly into my nobody-puts-baby-in-the-corner Dirty Dancing lift moment…only to belly flop on the parquet and have my picture taken thousands of times.  I’ll be infamous.  And probably get Prosecco to sponsor me.  Win-effing-win.

About Carinn Jade

Mother, lawyer, yogi, writer, non-sleeper. Published @NYTMotherlode. Contributor @Mommyish @Moonfrye @HuffPostLive. I like beer (not wine) & tea (not coffee) & being a contrarian.
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