The truth will set you free, but first it will kick your ass. – Author Unknown
The Monday after BlogHer’12, you can consider my ass kicked. I was faced with many truths this weekend and they kinda rocked my world.
The highlight of the conference was in the Keynote Speakers, Martha Stewart and Katie Couric. They spoke truthfully and without apology about the lives they lead.
Martha Stewart personifies the motto of my Jesuit university – Ever to Excel. Martha never defined herself by what she did, from fashion model to mother to caterer to crafter to empress regnant, instead it was how she performed the task at hand that marked her success. She is driven to be the best in anything that ignites her passion, willing to push her limits to the edge and beyond, tenacious enough to value the tangible finished product. She isn’t any thing, she is simply excellent. Her best quote came when she was asked if there was something she was terrible at doing. Her answer, simple and honest, still echos in my head, “anything I haven’t tried.”
Katie Couric is your smart, funny, meaningful friend. Her bubbly “can do” spirit is infectious. She spoke about wanting to present a forum for “smart talk”, broaching subject matter like parenting styles or long-term intimacy. Even shows featuring ‘hair’ or ‘diet’ I expect to be tackled in a way that reveals deeper themes of self-esteem and media influence. She encouraged women to stop participating in the ‘mommy wars’ and not allow the media or society to marginalize us as we age. ‘Own the influence you possess’ was the message I took away from her interview.
These truths forced me to face others: that I don’t love the law, that I wilt while sitting at a desk, that I am most inspired in the early morning and the middle of the night, not between the structured hours of 9-6. This essentially means that a lot of what I have been doing with my life has been suffocating me. I don’t regret my legal training – it was intellectually stimulating, taught me the value of hard work and discipline, and opened many doors I have enjoyed bursting through. However, I draw no strength from my traditional legal jobs. Those days have left me feeling burned out and sucked dry. So now I’m telling myself what I used to tell my yoga students in every class.
Let go of that which no longer serves you.
I need to let go of the traditional, the structure that keeps me safe, but also holds me back. I re-enter my life after BlogHer’12, jobless for the first time in over a year. I am once again free to make whatever I want to of this day, of this life.
I am unleashed. I am also overwhelmed.
I am full of new ideas. I am also scared of failing.
I am full of inspiration. I am also scared of not being good enough.
And suddenly RuPaul is in my head.
“You better work”, is what I’ve got to do now.