Full disclosure: I don’t own a crock-pot, but I have eaten beef stew from one and I just can’t comprehend what happens in those things. Delicious ingredients go in, mingle together for awhile, and then come out completely unidentifiable and tasteless. What happens in that crock-pot?, I wonder. Well, this weekend my mind was the crock-pot. The past few days have been an insane jumbled mess of things that when stewed together is mushy and not so pretty but when I think about each ingredient, it seems like some good stuff. What happens in my crazy brain?, I wonder.
Still have no idea what I’m talking about? Don’t worry, neither do I. So let’s try a list of lessons learned this maddeningly event-filled weekend ranked from, “hey, that happens to everyone” to “if mental illness was contagious I’d have to stop reading this blog now”:
1. Your son, who demands pizza for dinner no less than four days a week at home, refuses to eat the pizza provided at any birthday party. WTH? It’s pizza, boy!
2. Your concern over your daughter’s adorable obsession with Jake and the Neverland Pirates will escalate to new heights when she begins referring to herself as “ho-ho.” Shouldn’t I just be happy it’s not some princess show?
3. When something good happens to you – like being accepted for publication in a major periodical – everyone will be excited and happy for you until they read the depressing piece about the ugly fights you have with your husband.
4. When something bad happens to you – like the boss from the job you quit six months ago calls and maybe possibly offers your old job back on a part time basis just like you requested before you left – everyone will think it’s actually a good thing and be very confused by you sobbing in your hands and saying, “but what about my kids?…but what about my writing?”
5. Even though you aren’t bipolar, Silver Linings Playbook will set off all sorts of triggers in your currently unstable mind. You will think Jennifer Lawrence is painful to watch and the entire movie will simultaneously bore you and put you on edge for two hours straight. Even the sugary sweet doubly predictable ending won’t make you feel better about the past two hours of quiet torture. (Since this movie was nominated for 87 thousand awards this season in Hollywood, I take it I am truly alone on this sentiment.)
After some hours of stewing in these events, I realize – not for the first time in my life – I have a very different perspective from most normal people.** Things I see as amazing, others find horrifying. Things I see as tragic, other people tell me are a blessing and I should feel lucky. And I see their points (except the HFPA giving the Golden Globe to Jennifer Lawrence) on a rational level in my brain, but emotionally I just don’t have the same gut feeling. Everything feels very upside down and mushed together. Just like some crock-pot stew.
Or maybe – once again – it’s just me.
**On a positive note no one will argue with, I want to thank so many of my blogger friends for commenting on my Mommyish post from Friday. You truly brightened up the community conversation!