I’m an optimist by nature. I have the most annoying ability to see the good in any situation. My pitch got rejected? Her explanation made sense, I simply feel lucky I got a quick response. My son got railroaded into the corner of the table? So glad it was the back of his head and not his mouth. These feelings come to me very naturally, not after hours of searching for the positive spin. They are my gut reactions.
But everyone has their limits.
Every year the month of November pushes me to the edge. It’s the one month where everyone wants to be thankful. All the time. For everything, Normal Facebook status updates like “I’m headed to the gym!” are replaced with “so grateful to my husband for getting a sitter so I can haul my flabby butt to Pilates!” or “this cold dry weather is sucking the life out of my skin” becomes “I’m so grateful I have my skin in any condition! Did you know it’s the body’s largest organ?”
I’m sick of it.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day (no problem, I know you needed the reminder) but today is not. Today is my FU day. A day to rid myself of the grating little things that are piling up and preventing me from being thankful. Sometimes to be truly grateful for what you have, you need to raise two middle fingers to the shit you want out of your life.
F*ck off airlines for gauging us with fare hikes because you know we all want to see our families during the holidays.
F*ck off TGIBF. You can’t make up an acronym for something that occurs once a year. And while we are at it…
F*ck off Black Friday for starting on Thursday while I’m still eating dinner.
F*ck off NaBloPoMo. My inbox is clogged with posts I’ll never read.
F*ck off false fire alarms that go off at 2am.
F*ck off cold and flu season.
F*ck off periods and that “not so fresh feeling.”
F*ck off feelings of inadequacy. What someone else accomplishes does not have to be a reflection of my shortcomings.
F*ck off guilt. Mommy guilt, food guilt, I’m not doing enough guilt, media guilt, family guilt.
F*ck off comparison.
F*ck off Mommy Wars.
F*ck off competition.
F*ck off family tension.
F*ck off to that one [aunt, uncle, cousin] who knows exactly what to ask to make you feel so small the minute they walk in the door. F*ck off for not waiting until I’ve had three glasses of wine first.
F*ck off defensiveness.
F*ck off minimizing the successes in our lives because someone else might feel bad.
F*ck off still wanting more.
F*ck off Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and every future social media site that promises me more page views, more followers, and less time writing or spending time with my family.
F*ck off LINES EVERYWHERE.
F*ck off inspirational gratitude memes.
(blows into hands, taps them together and gives a two finger salute)
I feel better already. All this negativity has been a palate cleanser and I’m ready to gobble up giblets and gratitude all day tomorrow.
What would be on your FU list?