Don’t worry, the bible confuses me too Kimmie.

Ugh.

The novelty of the new apartment and new playgrounds has worn off and the kids are screaming for routine.  No one is sleeping, everything feels strange.  The heat is suffocating.  So I am stumbling through day by day, trying to figure it all out.

Here’s one lesson from this morning:  when your 3-year-old wakes up with a stiff neck so bad he can’t move without crying out in excruciating pain, try a little Icy Hot.  That intense, alarming, completely foreign sensation will make him actually crawl out of his skin.  Exorcism completed.  Problem solved.  You’re welcome.

In other Bible news, I’ll leave you with a wonderful story I heard recently.

Close your eyes.  Picture it. 

The late 1st century BC a young woman by the name of Mary married a man named Joseph at the age of 12 and accompanied him to Bethlehem.  They later divorced.  She engaged in sexual intercourse many times with multiple partners from the age of 14 to 31.  Some of these encounters were filmed and viewed by millions of people around the world.

At the age of 40 when Mary decided she wanted to have a child, she slept all night outside, waiting patiently for an opening at the local fertility clinic.  Once admitted, she was artificially inseminated.  Thus was conceived the baby Jesus.

This is the Gospel according to Kim Kardashian.

Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ.

 

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About Carinn Jade

Mother, lawyer, yogi, writer, non-sleeper. Published @NYTMotherlode. Contributor @Mommyish @Moonfrye @HuffPostLive. I like beer (not wine) & tea (not coffee) & being a contrarian.
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