Nevermind that noise, it’s just my ovaries whining.

Ladies (and the three men that are obligated to read this by marriage or blood) — listen up!  I am in desperate need of your help.   You see, it’s May!

[you nod in confused agreement].

What’s so special about May?  You mean, you don’t know??

May is THE month I get pregnant.  Every other year.

Let’s recap:

May 2008 – after nearly a year of trying, May was the magic month.  That year I shocked the hell out of surprised my husband on Father’s Day by making him breakfast and breaking the news (no, I’m not sure which shocked him more).

May 2010 – armed with the confusion that it took nearly a year to conceive our first, we decided to let nature take its course when I stopped nursing just a few short weeks before.   And a few short weeks later my 15 month old had the positive pregnancy test in his mouth (I was too shocked to grab it away after it dropped from my stunned hand).

So here we are, May 2012.  The kids are sleeping wonderfully (finally).  Ian and I are going on a Caribbean vacation.  Alone (as in no kids).   And I just held the 7 day old baby of one of my best friends (I loved every second of it).  My uterus is feeling kinda lonely…

Come and play with me, I’m a harmless plush uterus!

WAIT, WAIT.  This is craziness!  We cannot have any more children!  Why? you ask.  Well for starters:

1.  I suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum.  Which might just sound like the worst morning sickness ever, but in reality it involves vomiting that scares small children, hospital stays, IVs, threat of miscarriage and generally complete incapacitation.

2.  We live in NYC and are not in the 1%.  Which means the third child will have to sleep in the sink until it’s old enough to move out.

3.  I love sleep.

4.  I need sleep.

5. I finally get to sleep.

This isn’t me, but I am sure I look that adorable when I’m rested

What’s that?  Those aren’t good enough reasons?  The joys of motherhood far outweigh these minor details?

Ok, well here are my top five reasons that we should have another child (ranked in order from the most important to the most shallow):

1.  Boobs.

2.  The first time I delivered I almost died, the second time I delivered was the most life-affirming moment I could imagine and now I’m curious what a third February due date would be like.

3.  No periods for another two years.

4.  Because I’m obsessed with baby names.

5.  We have one kid that is my mini-me and another that is my husband’s clone.  What would the in between mix look like?

As you can see, I’m not fit to be a parent to the two I already have, so we can all agree a third is out.  Right?

[please say RIGHT loud enough for my ovaries to hear you]

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About Carinn Jade

Mother, lawyer, yogi, writer, non-sleeper. Published @NYTMotherlode. Contributor @Mommyish @Moonfrye @HuffPostLive. I like beer (not wine) & tea (not coffee) & being a contrarian.
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13 Responses to Nevermind that noise, it’s just my ovaries whining.

  1. Um, I only have one so far and I already feel myself wanting three. And I REALLY want another one ASAP, but I keep telling myself that I can’t be pregnant when I come to NYC alone for BlogHer’12. Either way, I’m clearly no help.

  2. muddledmom says:

    You are really on the fence. When my daughter was around nine months and I had one of those pregnancy “scares,” as in I thought for a few freak hours that I could possibly be pregnant and even dished out money to buy a home pregnancy test, I pretty much knew that I was done. I have never changed my mind now six years later. When you know, you know.

  3. I feel you. Sonia is only 7 months, but she is getting to that awesome stage where I’m like, man I could really see having another one someday (read: not soon). Then, there’s the other side where I’m terrified that I’m going to get pregnant even though I have an IUD and a less than 1% chance of that happening.

    Babies. Once you have them, they consume your life. Even the ones you’ve yet to have or may never have consume your life.

    Oh, and like you, my next child (should he or she exist) will have to sleep in the sink because yeah. So not living in the 1% down here.

  4. Mommy OM says:

    I am right there with ya. I have a beautiful little girl and baby boy. Isn’t that enough for me? I really can’t say if we will have a third, but I think about it a lot. I always thought I only wanted two and now I’m confused. I loved being pregnant. I loved giving birth. I also love SLEEP and the fact that after 5 years my breasts are finally mine again.

    Oh and I would probably set up our third in the bath tub. 😉

  5. I have three and I still don’t know how I feel about it…

  6. hgsurvivor says:

    From one fellow hg sufferer to another… I can relate to what you’re going through.

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