Melancholy baby (this is not that kind of blog)

I’m pinned to the ground, covered with boulders.  Everything is black.  Air too thick to breathe.

Heavy.

Dark.

Suffocating.

Trapped.

Negative chatter fills my mind.

You’ll never.  You can’t.  You don’t.

Foolish.  Selfish.  Naive.

Not good enough.  Not quick enough.  Not enough.

I want to rage against it, I want to break free.  I surf blogs, the news, misbehaving moms at the playground – searching for something to incite me.

Nothing.

I stare at my notebook, knowing that writing will make it all feel better.  Or manageable at least.

But I can’t.

I have the tools to make it stop.  I’m just searching for the will.

Until then, I’m on autopilot.  In survival mode.

Just waiting for the dark cloud to pass.

I don’t need your pity.  I just want you to say you’ve been here too.  Remind me it doesn’t last forever.

Advertisements

About Carinn Jade

Mother, lawyer, yogi, writer, non-sleeper. Published @NYTMotherlode. Contributor @Mommyish @Moonfrye @HuffPostLive. I like beer (not wine) & tea (not coffee) & being a contrarian.
This entry was posted in am I doing this right? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Melancholy baby (this is not that kind of blog)

  1. I’ve been there, too. It gets better and then it gets bad again. Every day is a new day. The clouds will lift soon.

  2. I’ve been there. I’ve so been there. It doesn’t last forever. But as Ashley said, it does come back again. When it does get better, though, it’s so worth it. You’ll get through it.

  3. muddledmom says:

    My favorite phase to get me through motherhood: “It’s just a phase. It will pass.” It’s a reminder that the rough stuff isn’t permanent and has gotten me through some rotten days.

  4. Mommy OM says:

    This says it all….
    Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. ~Vivian Komori

    I’m also a fan of the “This too, shall pass.” Sometimes I just need to turn inward, recognize where I am, and breathe.

    Or my favorite:
    “Cheer up, Buttercup.”

  5. It DOES get better. I’ve been there (and am still there, kind of), but each time I’m “there” it seems I can get myself out of it faster than the time before. Breathe. Remember that this is temporary. One of my favorite books is “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert – it’s about being “there”, too, and really helped me think of ways to process it all. And, though this is kind of cheesy, I’ve always liked this quote from “Castaway” – ” I gotta keep breathing, because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring.”. So hang in there. Tomorrow will be better. Prayers and hugs!

    • Keeping the perspective that nothing is permanent is so helpful. Yesterday was an amazing day and today, um, not so much. So “who knows what the tide could bring” tomorrow? It’s true.

      Thank you for your kind words.

Share your brilliance

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s