Aside from the day my children were born, yesterday was the most amazing day of my life. Gavin’s first real birthday party.
I want to tell you all how wonderful it was, I want to transport you to the festivities, I want to share the experience with you all. But I can’t. I have no words.
How do you describe the feeling you get when you see your baby turn 3? When you see him with 20 of his classmates and friends dancing and laughing, sharing and playing?
When you see him get kissed for the very first time, by a little girl, the one in his class that he has been saying for weeks is ‘so pretty’, and he looks directly at you mommy, with stars in his eyes? In that instant you see him at 15 with his first of many broken hearts. I make note to remind him of the bruises on his legs at 3, they hurt when you get them but fade with time. Don’t stop playing. Never stop loving. Keep that open heart baby boy.
How do you describe the humbling feeling you get when his eyes sparkle and you ask if he is having fun and he says, ‘yes, mommy! this is awesome!’ in that breathless way that you praise him and are excited by every new discovery and every new experience you have together?
How do you describe the feeling of pride you get when you really see your child for the first time? When you know he belongs to others in this world besides just you. When your heart hurts with pride more than nostalgia until the musician plays the Beatles song you sang to him every single day he had colic and then the pride and nostalgia are equal and produce tears in your eyes.
How do you describe the feeling of bittersweet love when all you want to do is kiss him and hold him and tell him you are amazed by him and the boy he is becoming but you don’t and you can’t because you need to let him play, let him dance, let him practice being that phenomenal boy that he is?
There is only one word to describe all these feelings: motherhood.
Oh yes! I forgot, it was Chloe’s party too.
Don’t worry, she had fun. She always does.